ZThemes
If you're not damaged, then see your way out of my med bay before I throw you out. I'm a busy mech and I don't have time to play.

so uh... you and ironhide interface? I didn't take Ironhide for the type to be on the receiving end.
+ Anonymous

Hmm.

Yes, sometimes…

Linear thinking will get you nowhere in life.

lennoxthemenace:

Cause’ it’s…y’know. It’s. The birds. And the bees!

Couldn’t you just google search this or something? Here, I looked it up for you and even saved you the trouble.

"According to some, the birds and the bees is a metaphorical story sometimes told to children in an attempt to explain the mechanics and consequence of sexual intercourse. According to that story the birds are like men and the bees like women: Birds are free to fly wherever they like, but bees are enslaved to a single queen their entire life and their whole life is dedicated to keeping her alive. Bees pollinate flowers, birds spread the seed, men impregnate eggs, women give birth. Sex is key for survival of both"

Have fun with that.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

lennoxthemenace:

I wasn’t, but thanks for telling me more than I wanted to know. Again.

Well then shoot. What do you wanna know?

Why do you call it the “Birds and the Bees”? It makes no sense biologically; from my research, they are entirely different species and cannot procreate together in the first place. Which makes me continue to wonder how this saying came to be?

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

lennoxthemenace:

Really?

Are you really talking to me about my privates? Or—humanity’s privates.

Do I ever make you talk about your metal genitalia, Ratchet? No! I don’t! You know why? Because that’s private in-for-ma-tion.

So we’re not gonna talk about how temperature effects human no-no’s and we’re gonna change the conversation now to something that I would be alright with Annabelle hearing.

We do not have genitalia like yours in the first place. There’s nothing to speak of if you were curious regardless.

I do have a question for you, actually.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog
Sexy. Sexually attractive. Would clang into the floor 'till the Decepticows come home. Things Ironhide would gladly do to you if you let him- I mean what.
+ Anonymous

Why can’t you simply say someone is attractive? Why all these odd terms of “sexy” or “hot” to essentially avoid saying the actual word? It sounds much more pleasing than either of those two in the first place.

Besides, Ironhide and I already actively interface with one another. Don’t worry.

Multiple times it’s been me doing to him, as well.

Tagged #anonymous #asks
"Uh... Hot as in sexy, Ratchet."
+ youcannotcome

Sexy?

lennoxthemenace:

Okay, I’m gonna defend myself here and say that I’ve never fucked someone in a car. It just seemed cramped and honestly, not that hot.

Sam did wh—actually, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Stop telling me things I don’t want to hear. I’m not listening anymore!

"Not that hot".

I don’t understand. I didn’t believe that temperature made much of a difference in the ways that humans mated? I know that in colder temperatures, the men of your species are frequently humiliated for your genitalia shrinking in size, but I did not realize there was more on the matter than that.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

lennoxthemenace:

Endure terrible pain—yeah I have a deep seated fear!

IT’S GIANT ROBOTS FUCKING EACH OTHER ON MY LAWN OR AGAINST MY HOUSE! 

It was only a few times and you never even knew.

It’s not as if I flinch in disgust when I hear of you humans interfacing inside of vehicles.

Even Sam had some moments on top of Bumblebee’s hood.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

lennoxthemenace:

Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor?

Don’t you help people? How is this possibly helping?

Sometimes we must endure terrible pain before we can be helped.

You seem to have a deep-seeded fear of something very natural, Lennox. Is there something you’d like to discuss?

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

lennoxthemenace:

Thanks Ratchet. 

Thank you so much for that reminder. Just what I needed.

I’m always here to provide a healthy dose of mental trauma when you need it.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog

weapons-connoisseur:

lennoxthemenace:

So.

It looks like a giant alien robot took a piss on my front lawn.

I’m not gonna point any fingers, but Ironhide I swear to Jesus if you marked your territory again I’m gonna drive you off a cliff.

I do not lubricate on the ground.

Besides, you’d have to manage getting inside me if you wanted to accomplish that. Hmph.

Yes, you only interface against his house.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog
"My name's Tama, by the way. How are you doing?"
+ youcannotcome

Hmm.

Are you authorized to be here, ah… Tama? Somehow I do not think you are.

"... Heh, of course." the girl gives a sad smile, "I've met you before though... But it's not you..."
+ youcannotcome

…You refer to an alternate of mine? I wouldn’t be surprised; there tends to be infinite amounts of Ratchet’s floating around. I’ve seen very few from my particular timeline however.

"... I'm sorry..."
+ youcannotcome

I don’t know what for. I don’t recall ever encountering you before.

novercalis-tyrannus:

You placed too much faith in Optimus Prime, and now you pay the price for his ignorant choices.

Behold: the end of our people, because one was a fool too blind to see.

You’re enjoying this far too much.

posted 1 month agovia©reblog